I wanted to spend a little time talking about the trip and being back in Burkina. For everyone who has been reading my blog since the day I moved out here over a year ago you know this has been a long journey. A journey full of surprises, heartache, trials and triumph. Being back has been those same emotions (which were then drawn out over a long span of time) but on speed. The moment I stepped off the plane and could smell the rancid stench of rotting garbage and well body odor everything came flashing back through my mind. It's crazy to me how even some of the worst smells can trigger memories. It's hard to put into words what is going through my mind and what I am experiencing right now but my dear African adopted mother, Amy Nehlsen put it in the clearest way I can sum it up when she said; "it's like you're trying to balance 2 realities right now, one you have here and one you live in back home." I have seen this 'balancing', or more like 'clashing' of my 2 realities more evidently now that I am back than I had before while being home. I hate the fact that it's so easy to teeter across that line of remembering the poor and destitute, this life here, and living the life consumed (whether I want it to be or not) with myself back in the states. I remember that the hardest thing I dealt with upon arriving home was the fact that I didn't need God's strength the way I did here, where it was all I could do to get out of bed. This teetering on the line has been such a struggle this past year and I guess I didn't see it so much as I do now that I am back. Being back isn't like walking back into a fairy tale life though, as much as I wish it would be a dream come true it's more of a reality check in my life. Burkina is a very hot, very dry, and mostly miserable place and none of that was written into that fairy tale life I had dreamed of, BUT there is absolutely no where that I could dream of being more, and being back here is consistently confirming that in my life.
It has also been a blessing deeper than words can convey, to be here with people who are experiencing this for the first time. Now when I say blessing I don't mean it's been inspiring the entire time, though it has, but I often find myself catching myself in little annoyances as people gasp, awe, and gauke at this culture. It's in those moments though that I find little glimpses of that initial passion I had upon arriving here, and despite my annoyance I am seeing things just slightly differently, sometimes pretending to see them for the first time so that my awe of God's diversity doesn't fade with my conformity.
On another hand I have absolutely loved and cherished every single moment spent visiting with the people I became so close with of my time here. I can't convey the warmth my heart feels when I see someone I came to love or appreciate here, even people like boutique owners who I spent countless hours walking around their booths looking at things during my repos time (the 'nap' time here in Burkina is from 12-3 and I am the absolute worst napper on the face of this earth so I spent that time walking around stores at the only 'tourist place'). People like the compassion staff at my little girls' site who came running up to greet me and welcome me back, or the dorcas house girls who skipped half way across the property to come and embrace me and welcome me 'home,' and one of my favorite moments of visiting was with Virginie, the girl who helped us out at our house while I lived here, who became my dear dear dear friend and someone I love deeply. She came over to enjoy a little lunch with us and to tell us the big news that she was pregnant (thereby breaking the unspoken 'laws' of burkina, women NEVER say or admit that they are pregnant here in case they lose the baby, nor do they buy anything for the baby until after it's been alive for a week or 2, the infant mortality rate here is astronomical.) It's moments likes these that you can't plan for, these moments are the overwhelming kind that make it seem as if you had never left. These are the people that make you feel at home in a place so foreign, strange, and dirty that despite it all you never want to leave.
It feels like home to me, it feels like I'm back where I belong....
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